5.17.2006

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

Somebody at work described me as "bald."

Let me offer some clarification on this. I am not "bald." I have a shaved head. There is a big difference.

Not bald.

Bald guys are helpless victims of genetics. Their hair is falling out and there is nothing they can do about it.

Sure, they can get a toupee, or a "hair system" or a transplant. But we've all seen those guys. They're not fooling anyone except themselves.

I am not a victim. I have taken a pro-active approach to the issue of hair loss. My hair started falling out, and I did something about it.

I said to my hair, "You can't quit. You're fired!"

I am the Donald Trump of Hair Loss.

As an adopted kid, I really wanted to look like my father. So I styled my hair just like he did. I was the only six year-old with a comb-over.

Now, thirty years later, we once again have the same hair: None.

Somehow, I managed to inherit male pattern baldness from my adopted father. I think this is some kind of medical miracle. Somebody should call The New England Journal of Medicine, or the The National Enquirer or Teen People.

I actually started to lose my hair when I was 18 years old. Mary, my girlfriend at the time, realized what was happening and brought it to my attention.

She didn't mind, though. She was ten years older than me. I think she was happy that I was going to look closer in age to her.

Of course, I was horrified. I started watching late-night hair loss infomercials. I tried Rogaine. I tried Propecia. I tried prayer.

I was like, "My hair, my hair! Why hast thou forsaken me?"

For ten years, I was a victim of hair loss. Then I ended my relationship with the older woman and started dating Maggie, the college intern at work.

Maggie was the one who finally convinced me to shave my head. It was a tough decision to make. But when a hot, 22 year-old blond tells me to do something, I listen.

It was hard saying goodbye to my hair. I loved my hair, even though it deserted me.

I feel sort of the same way about my birth mother.

And if either one of them comes back some day, all will be forgiven.

7 Comments:

At 5/18/2006 05:52:00 AM, Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

Kojak did OK for himself, wouldn't you say? So will you - with or without ever getting the chance to thank your birth mother.

 
At 5/18/2006 10:41:00 AM, Blogger Will McKinley said...

Thanks Ruth.

Who loves ya, baby?

 
At 5/18/2006 11:33:00 AM, Blogger Nancy Kersey said...

I remember your hair when it was in its prime. And you were proud of it, concerned about ever losing it. Your being willing to shave your head was a statement of abandoning that sort of vanity - a step towards personal growth if I may be so profound about it all. I think the new look is a good look myself.

 
At 5/19/2006 03:58:00 PM, Blogger Will McKinley said...

Thanks nancy. Shaving my head was the best thing I ever did. I recommend it to everyone - male and female.

But I'll never forget my buzzed, spiky, short on the sides, long in the back modified mullet.

Ah, the memories...

 
At 10/16/2007 10:55:00 AM, Anonymous Hair replacement said...

You have very good life position. It nice, when people do not going sad and crying: "i`m bald". You have your own mean, and any problems can not break you!

 
At 4/10/2008 12:05:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's not a shaved head. It's just a short buzz cut.

 
At 4/28/2013 10:59:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My hair transplant surgery was ruined by Dr Nicholas Agnesi of Hairline Clinic in Akron and Independence Ohio. He disregarded my specific wishes, wiped the pattern that I drew off my head, and got the hairline all wrong. He also harvested the wrong hairs from the base of my skull.

The hairs he took don't grow well at all. They never have. He should have taken the hairs at least on inch higher. Everyone agreed that I had plenty of donor hair but Dr Agnesi didn't bother to take the best hairs. He just rushed through the job and took the wrong hairs at the base of my skull.

When I let Dr Agnesi know what he did wrong, he said that he might be willing to replace the bad hairs after I talk to the president of Hairline Clinic Rob Hoffman. It had to be his call. But when I talked to Rob Hoffman at the Akron location, he refused to even look at the bad work. He just pretended everything was fine and refused to do anything about it. No fix. No refund.

I knew those hairs would never grow well so I was left with no choice but to rip all those bad grafts out myself before they healed. It was a nightmare but I got it done. Now I'm out thousands of dollars and I have nothing to show for it but a bad memory and a nasty scar at the base of my skull.

Dr Agnesi also works for Advanced Hair Restoration of Ohio.

Now I'm talking to an attorney and trying to find a new HT doctor who will do what I wish and pay attention to detail.

 

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